The funny thing about life is that, one moment you wish something happened, but it never did. When the time come when you don't wish it to happen, all hell falls upon you relentlessly. That's just how life is with me. I've been through hell, but most of the time only I'm there to savour every moment of it, like it or not, alone. Its like saving someone falling 10 stories high, breaking your collar bone, and then walking away even before anyone can say thanks. And later that night mom gives you one hell of a sounding. And you keep quiet about it.
Life is about choices. Its about the options we make, the separate paths we take, wether we go down or up, left or right, buy or sell, bomb or not to bomb; that shape the events around us. Its not complaining 'How come my grades are falling?' or 'Why wont he/she take my calls', but the little things you have or have not done that makes it that way. Yes, life is all about the little things. Things we never really pay much attention to. Things like remembering her birthday. Things like taking your vitamins. Little promises and obligations that you've so 'macho'ly made. When we do not fulfill them , we go 'So what?'. But the truth is, its these things that gives us joy and satisfaction. Its the thought that, 'Oh, so he remembered' that brings people closer. It gives wamrth, and tenderness, and in the most unlikely of ways, brings us closer to a more loving society.
The world today is, well... Horrible. War? Corruption? Injustice? The strong feast on the weak. The poor get way less than they deserve. Selfishness and greed infest within us. People get backstabed. A loved one could just just fall prey to the hands of crime, and what do we do? What can we do? Sit and weep? Or do our part to make sure this does not go on? Its all about making that decisive choice. To stop yourself from pulling that trigger, or stabbing that poor soul. There's always a choice. And there is nothing that can stop you from making that choice, except of course, unless YOU choose not to. We are the ones who are facing the consequences for our own actions. Be it religious or principals, we always have the chance, to do the right thing, or forever bind ourselves to an eternity of guilt and trauma.
I made my choice. I chose to be with books for another 5 years, rather than spend a fortune on education in college. I chose to sentence myself to hours upon hours of labour and eye-strains, going through the sea of worksheets, assignments and examinations. I chose to be in my alma mater again, not because of anything else, but because I felt it was the safest thing to do. Well, I guess I was right after all. But there and again, I learned. I found new meaning in life. Back in those days when I was a teeny-tiny-widdle-baby, till my standard 6 days, life was dictated by my parents. I went where they went. I ate what they ate. I knew nothing about happiness, or about life and its many casualties. I made a choice at that time. I made a choice to be ignorant. To turn my back against the world. But most of it, was because I loved my parents. I wanted them to know I was a good lad. Time changes people, and it took its toll on me. A little slow perhaps, but it did, nonetheless, and it changed my life forever.
Friends. What are they for right? To be there when you need a shoulder to weep on. To share your pain and wipe away your tears. To cheer you on days that matter to you. To be happy for you when you get what you want. Well, thats what most people will tell you anyway. I learned about friends the hard way. To me, friends were like guradian angels. They look out for you. They give you a pat on the back when you score a goal. They bring up conversations to make you feel that your oppinions mean something. Most of all, they make you feel that sense of belonging no one else can possible accomplish. Your parents? They are what brought you into this world. But parental bonds are worlds apart from peer to peer bonding. Parents understand you. Friends aknowledge you. Parents provde for you. Friends are there for each other. One way or another, a friend is all about being there to make someone feel that he or she is being noticed. That he or she matters. That's what matters in a frendship. But to some, friends are mere tools. These people do not really care whether you fall 10 stories down. They are there for you, yes, but only if it suits them. True friends are rare, and hard to find. Seriously. True friends can get out of their way to help you with something.
Life is about choices. Its about the options we make, the separate paths we take, wether we go down or up, left or right, buy or sell, bomb or not to bomb; that shape the events around us. Its not complaining 'How come my grades are falling?' or 'Why wont he/she take my calls', but the little things you have or have not done that makes it that way. Yes, life is all about the little things. Things we never really pay much attention to. Things like remembering her birthday. Things like taking your vitamins. Little promises and obligations that you've so 'macho'ly made. When we do not fulfill them , we go 'So what?'. But the truth is, its these things that gives us joy and satisfaction. Its the thought that, 'Oh, so he remembered' that brings people closer. It gives wamrth, and tenderness, and in the most unlikely of ways, brings us closer to a more loving society.
The world today is, well... Horrible. War? Corruption? Injustice? The strong feast on the weak. The poor get way less than they deserve. Selfishness and greed infest within us. People get backstabed. A loved one could just just fall prey to the hands of crime, and what do we do? What can we do? Sit and weep? Or do our part to make sure this does not go on? Its all about making that decisive choice. To stop yourself from pulling that trigger, or stabbing that poor soul. There's always a choice. And there is nothing that can stop you from making that choice, except of course, unless YOU choose not to. We are the ones who are facing the consequences for our own actions. Be it religious or principals, we always have the chance, to do the right thing, or forever bind ourselves to an eternity of guilt and trauma.
I made my choice. I chose to be with books for another 5 years, rather than spend a fortune on education in college. I chose to sentence myself to hours upon hours of labour and eye-strains, going through the sea of worksheets, assignments and examinations. I chose to be in my alma mater again, not because of anything else, but because I felt it was the safest thing to do. Well, I guess I was right after all. But there and again, I learned. I found new meaning in life. Back in those days when I was a teeny-tiny-widdle-baby, till my standard 6 days, life was dictated by my parents. I went where they went. I ate what they ate. I knew nothing about happiness, or about life and its many casualties. I made a choice at that time. I made a choice to be ignorant. To turn my back against the world. But most of it, was because I loved my parents. I wanted them to know I was a good lad. Time changes people, and it took its toll on me. A little slow perhaps, but it did, nonetheless, and it changed my life forever.
Friends. What are they for right? To be there when you need a shoulder to weep on. To share your pain and wipe away your tears. To cheer you on days that matter to you. To be happy for you when you get what you want. Well, thats what most people will tell you anyway. I learned about friends the hard way. To me, friends were like guradian angels. They look out for you. They give you a pat on the back when you score a goal. They bring up conversations to make you feel that your oppinions mean something. Most of all, they make you feel that sense of belonging no one else can possible accomplish. Your parents? They are what brought you into this world. But parental bonds are worlds apart from peer to peer bonding. Parents understand you. Friends aknowledge you. Parents provde for you. Friends are there for each other. One way or another, a friend is all about being there to make someone feel that he or she is being noticed. That he or she matters. That's what matters in a frendship. But to some, friends are mere tools. These people do not really care whether you fall 10 stories down. They are there for you, yes, but only if it suits them. True friends are rare, and hard to find. Seriously. True friends can get out of their way to help you with something.
They don't mind getting down and dirty for you. They are willing to sacrifice for you well-being, and the most crucial part is that, they do not expect anything in return. Well, living for 19 whole years, you get to see so many different kinds of people. The 'friends' I knew back then? Gone. Except for two, who are still my bestest buddies. I've seen hippocrites, backstabbers, selfish goons, tongue twisters, fish-bone-in-the-necks, wierdos, freaks. But what they all have in common, is that they yearn to be noticed. The same way two friends in school, sitting next to each other, want more than just to know the others name. They want him or her to lend an oppinion, or hand when necessary. A nudge or a pat on the shoulder to ask 'What's wrong', they want him or her to hear thier stories, help them with a Math question, and on and on and on. Its just the way they express it. People who read too much just find it easier to approach a person and discuss about quantum physics as an opening line. Some people find it wierd or even scary, like they were at a wrong frrequency or channel, but the thing is, he or she wants to have a converstaion. He or she wants to be noticed. Is that too much to ask? If you don't wish to engage in a conversation, don't just shunt them away. Do them a favour. Introduce them to someone else. Tell them your not into this subject, and try to change into something that suits the two of you better. Find a similarity, a balance, and you find yourself talking away. I've been there. Done that. I talk to bookworms, I mix with people who share my interest, and even people who think they are much better than me. But the thing is still, I notice them, and vice versa. No matter what passes through our mouths, the fact will not change that we aknowledge each others existance.
Thing is, I had my heart broken before, and I tell you, it fu**ing hurts! People 'lepasing kapal terbang', hurtful words that pierce through the heart, a fist to the face. When it comes down to it, we won't be able to forgive and forget totally. I know I can't. But we try. We make an effort to do so, and just this trying stage alone shows that you have the heart to give that someone another chance. Wether they take it or leave is another thing. But we move on from there.
So what are friends again? To me, its more than what I've said above, but there has to be a deeper understanding between one another to call someone a true freind. Listening to what you say is a good friend, but telling you than smoking is going to kill you right in your face is a true friend. I'm proud to have several true friends, but most of them are far far away, and I wonder if I am ever going to see them again. The friends I have now? =) I wont call them true friends, but friends. People who aknowledge me, but will not stand up for me during a crossfire. I'll gladly take a bullet for any of them, but I won't hope on them doing the same back. Well, there is one, anyhow, who is not as caught up with material goods, grades, ranks and status quos, social standards or whatever sh** these people are into. Its not really up to me to be labeling people, I know. Well, its downright wrong, and I apologize. But I'm the kind of person who looks at relationships as a very, well, sensitive thing. You don't just have one and let it go the next day. That's just being selfish. Things like this last, for as long as I can remember. Maybe I look at this way too seriously, know... But hey, what are friends for right? Lolz.
Thing is, I had my heart broken before, and I tell you, it fu**ing hurts! People 'lepasing kapal terbang', hurtful words that pierce through the heart, a fist to the face. When it comes down to it, we won't be able to forgive and forget totally. I know I can't. But we try. We make an effort to do so, and just this trying stage alone shows that you have the heart to give that someone another chance. Wether they take it or leave is another thing. But we move on from there.
So what are friends again? To me, its more than what I've said above, but there has to be a deeper understanding between one another to call someone a true freind. Listening to what you say is a good friend, but telling you than smoking is going to kill you right in your face is a true friend. I'm proud to have several true friends, but most of them are far far away, and I wonder if I am ever going to see them again. The friends I have now? =) I wont call them true friends, but friends. People who aknowledge me, but will not stand up for me during a crossfire. I'll gladly take a bullet for any of them, but I won't hope on them doing the same back. Well, there is one, anyhow, who is not as caught up with material goods, grades, ranks and status quos, social standards or whatever sh** these people are into. Its not really up to me to be labeling people, I know. Well, its downright wrong, and I apologize. But I'm the kind of person who looks at relationships as a very, well, sensitive thing. You don't just have one and let it go the next day. That's just being selfish. Things like this last, for as long as I can remember. Maybe I look at this way too seriously, know... But hey, what are friends for right? Lolz.
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